Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
