My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
