Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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