Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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