I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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