we have pet lesbian snakes
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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