so let's talk penis.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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