i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
