its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
