I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
