Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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