it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Couch. On fire.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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