I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
