Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
