I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
