Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
