tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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