I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
