He disabled his match.com account in front of me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
