i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
