I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
