he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
