it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
