I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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