who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This toilet bowl is my home.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
