please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
