the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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