i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
