Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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