i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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