Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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