I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
