I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
