so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
