i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
