help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
