Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
