oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
