I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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