Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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