I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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