i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
