I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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