I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
