We won't sleep together?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
