You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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