I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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