can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
