I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
