someone threw a dead crab at me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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