ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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