i jhust puked up my retainher.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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