garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
